Be With You Forever, No Matter What
by LeAwesomeOne IX
Summary: After three months of dating, Lelouch finally allowed Suzaku to get into his pants. Only, something from the past comes back to haunt Lelouch. It seems like he never really did let go of it. Part I of my Ten Part Self Challenge; Theme: Trauma


**Title: Be With You Forever, No Matter What.**

**Genre: Romance/Angst**

**Rating: M to be on the safe side... There's no lemon actually.**

**Summary: After three months of dating, Lelouch finally allowed Suzaku to get into his pants. Only, something from the past comes back to haunt Lelouch. It seems he never really did let go of it.**  
**Part I of my Ten Part Self Challenge. _Theme:Trauma_**

**Warnings: AU, SuzaLulu, Yaoi, one single curse word by our Suzaku. Also, implied rape. Typos and grammar errors are to be expected because this was typed on a phone, self edited on a computer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass or any of the incredible characters.**

**IX: Okay, so I didn't know where this popped out from. Whatever. Messed up as I am. This is as stated in my summary, the first part of my ten part self challenge. The theme is trauma... so, yea. I think it fits. It's kinda weird, though. And also, it's my first fanfic I ever posted. So... enjoy.**

* * *

"Suzaku!"

Suzaku Kururugi snapped out of his daze and looked at the concerned face of Cecile.

"Are you okay? You've been staring at the screen for some time..."

"Oh~ He must be thinking of that boyfriend of his..."

Suzaku's face blushed at Llyod's comment. Oh, indeed he was thinking of Lelouch.

He and Lelouch were best friends since the exiled prince was sent to Japan. And then they were separate because of the war. After that he saw Lelouch again at Ashford Academy. Oh, was he so happy.

Until the days became pure torture.

_(But he was still happy)_

Exactly one week after he entered the academy, he witnessed one of Miss President's... playful work.

Lelouch in a _maid costume_.

_Lelouch_ in a maid costume.

_(He was so cute! His cheeks were flushing red, and he kept fidgeting cutely, and looking only at the ground, with his hands pulling the hem of the skirt, in vain hopes of it to be longer. And when he shyly mad eye contact with Suzaku, he was blushing so cutely! )_

That was not what began the torture. You see, when Lelouch tried to run away, Milly ordered Suzaku to chase him. Needless to say, Suzaku outran him easily.

But then he tripped. Ass high in the air. _Towards Suzaku's direction._

If that didn't make Suzaku painfully aroused, the flimsy, lacy thong did the job.

After Suzaku sent Lelouch back to the Student Council, he went for the 'toilet break'.

And that was the start of the many toilet breaks he would excuse himself to. And those wet dreams he had.

And Lelouch was seemingly oblivious to all those. Of course, since the boy was a genius in everything but love (and physical activities, like running or se-... Nevermind).

After one month of pure torture, he finally confessed to his friend.

Of course, it was an accident.

But what was unexpected was, Lelouch accepted.

He _accepted_.

Meaning Lelouch was officially Suzaku's _boyfriend_.

You could imagine Suzaku's happiness...!

However, after three months of dating, never did they ever had sex.

Of course they had been kissing. Quite hotly and passionate too, in fact. But whenever, Suzaku reached for the pants, Lelouch always pulled away. Every single time.

Imagine the pent up sexual frustration Suzaku was forced to experience.

He visited the bathrooms a lot more these days. Cold shower became a normality after waking up from one of those many wet dreams he had.

Really, Suzaku felt like some pervert.

And worse of all, Lelouch was really oblivious and could not take up a _single_ hint.

So Suzaku went to talk with Lelouch. He had to do it, after all. He couldn't live with just masturbating, now could he?

And Lelouch promised that they would make love tonight.

_Tonight._

_Make love._

_With Lelouch._

Imagine how giddy Suzaku felt.

Imagine Lelouch below him -

_(Of course Suzaku'll be topping!)_

- flushing and moaning cutely -

_(... Bad idea to fantasize at your job)_

- squirming under him -

_(...Shit)_

- screaming Suzaku's name.

_(That made it.)_

Suzaku excused himself for a bathroom break.

* * *

_...Few hours later..._

* * *

Suzaku found himself standing outside of Lelouch's door nervously.

While waiting for Lelouch to open the door, he found himself wondering, is it Lelouch's first time?

(Well, it wasn't for Suzaku)

Of course it would be Lelouch's first time! I mean, only a virgin would become _this_ flustered right? Only a virgin would not allow your boyfriend to make love with you for the _three months_ they've been dating, right?

Suzaku found that thought oddly comforting.

The door then opened, putting a stop to Suzaku's thoughts.

Also revealing Lelouch, his pale skin glowing under the moonlight, his beautiful amethyst eyes shining brightly, his obsidian hair fluttering with the wind...

Lelouch was really beautiful.

Suzaku entered the house only to smell something really nice.

"I cooked dinner. Come, let's eat first, okay? I can imagine you rushing here right after work without eating.", Lelouch said, smiling playfully to Suzaku.

Suzaku laughed nervouslly and digged in.

"Slow down. You'll choke like that.", Lelouch chuckled.

"Hmm... I just can't wait for the activity after dinner."

Suzaku smirked when he saw Lelouch's red face.

* * *

_...After dinner..._

* * *

They were kissing feverishly as Suzaku led him to Lelouch's bedroom.

(Nunnally was spending the night with Sayako at Milly's)

Suzaku could feel Lelouch gulping nervously when they reached the bed.

"Are you nervous?"

"O-of course not!"

And to prove the point, Lelouch took of his jacket.

"Ah... are you doing a strip tease?"

When Lelouch paused and blushed brightly, Suzaku merely nodded encouragingly.

When Lelouch still did not do anything, Suzaku smirked and started reaching forward.

Then, Lelouch took of his shirt and Suzaku felt his breath hitched.

Lelouch was so beautiful. Of course he didn't have muscles, but there wasn't a single trace of fat. He had a lean body, and his pale skin was glowing under the moonlight.

Lelouch could feel Suzaku staring and looked up embarrassly.

He could see that Suzaku's eyes were clouded with lust.

Like those times with that person.

Lelouch shook away the thought as he covered his bare chest with his hands shyly.

Suzaku was different. It wasn't just lust that was shown in Suzaku's eyes. There was also love. Suzaku loved him.

Unlike that person.

As Suzaku reached forward and kissed Lelouch, Lelouch's kept repeating a mantra in his head.

'He doesn't know. He doesn't need to know. He cannot know. I can do it. He love me, and I love him. It's different. He won't hurt me.'

Finally, they were stripped out of all their clothes. Suzaku look down at Lelouch. He was just so beautiful.

"Are you ready?"

Lelouch nodded.

As Suzaku pushed a finger into Lelouch, he could feel Lelouch tensing.

"Relax, Lelouch."

_( "Relax, Lelouch. This will feel better in time..." ; "Now aren't you just cute like that?" ; "Ah... AHHH! You're so god damn tight, Lelouch!" )_

Suzaku could feel Lelouch freeze under him.

His heart stopped when he heard Lelouch whimper, "N-no... Big brother, please stop... Please sto- AH!".

Lelouch sounded like he choked back a scream.

Suzaku immediately pulled his fingers out. He could feel Lelouch shaking beneath him. His face was buried in the pillow.

"Lelouch...", Suzaku called softly.

No answer.

Suzaku tried again, "Lelouch."

Still no answer.

He reached for Lelouch and tap him on the shoulder. "Lulu...", he called, thinking that the familiar nickname might help.

It did.

Lelouch sat up abruptly. His eyes were wide with fear and his cheeks were wet from tears.

Then, Lelouch saw Suzaku. Immediately, he buried himself in Suzaku's chest and sobbed, finally allowing himself to cry with someone else, other than himself in the darkness.

Suzaku felt his heart clench at the immense trust Lelouch shown him.

'I mean, a... victim won't just cry in someone's chest, right? Especially when the someone was going to make love with him.'

Suzaku's heart throbbed when he heart Lelouch painful sobs. Whoever the brother was, Suzaku swore to castrate him and then kill him.

After what felt like a few hours, Lelouch finally cried himself to sleep in Suzaku's embrace. Suzaku draped the blankets over himself and Lelouch then went to sleep, all the while still embracing Lelouch protectively.

Not that Suzaku could sleep after what he found out about Lelouch.

As he tried to process what he learnt, he remembered the nightmares Lelouch often experienced when they were still children in the Kururugi Shrine.

Sometimes, he would mutter "mother" and "Nunnally". Other times, he would just repeat the word "No" and "Stop".

The young Suzaku often thought it was the same dream, the nightmare of the shooting that left Lelouch's mother dead and his sister maimed.

Now, he knew that the other nightmare was when his older brother (whichever one, Suzaku swore again to kill him)... raped him.

* * *

_...The next morning..._

* * *

Lelouch woke up and felt something warm embracing him, and he snuggled closer. Opening his eyes, he saw something which he immediately recognized as a human torso, and froze at the thought of it.

No... this is different. The torso was tanned and muscled, unlike that person.

Suzaku!

He remembered what happened last night and shifted involuntaryly.

Suzaku felt Lelouch shift in his embrace and sat up, looking at Lelouch.

He saw Lelouch look up and he could see that Lelouch was shaking nervously and his eyes were filled with uncertainty.

Suzaku smiled warmly at Lelouch.

Lelouch sat up and the blanket dropped down, exposing his pale chest but still covering his bottom half.

_(Suzaku didn't bother redressing both of them)_

"Um... Last night...", Lelouch trailed of nervously, looking down at the bed.

"It's okay, Lulu.", Suzaku said as he lifted Lelouch's chin, forcing eye contact. "Who was it?"

Lelouch's eyes widened at that and muttered rather unintelligently, "H-huh?"

"Which one of your elder brother was it that... you know."

Lelouch shifted away from Suzaku's grasp and looked down. Suzaku wanted to try again when he heard Lelouch mutter,

"Odysseus-nii sama..."

Suzaku made a mental note to castrate the crown prince and then kill him. He heard that the crown prince was bisexual and a lecherous person, but he never expected him to... rape his younger brother.

"...and..."

Suzaku felt his heart drop. _Two?_

_Two_ fucking princes?!

How dare they?!

He clenched his fists tightly and he saw Lelouch flinch. But he didn't care, he was consumed by rage.

"And who, Lelouch?", Suzaku said, close to snarling.

"... Clovis-nii sama."

Suzaku punched the bed furiously. The dead prince? Now he was suddenly grateful to Zero for killing that bastard. Rather, he regretted not being the one to kill him like he was accused of before.

During that time, Suzaku had failed to notice that Lelouch had flinched rather obviously and scrambled to the other side of the bed, curling up in a ball by wrapping his arms around his legs. He didn't notice when Lelouch started to sob.

It was until Lelouch whimpered, "I'm sorry..." that he noticed what he did.

He crawled to Lelouch's side and hugged him, as Lelouch started crying again.

"It's not your fault, don't worry."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Suzaku looked down at Lelouch. "What are you sorry for?"

"That I'm dirty... That I let nii-sama do those things to me... Sorry. Sorry.", Lelouch kept mumbling.

"It's not your fault."

Lelouch glanced up at Suzaku, eyes filled with tears. "You wouldn't... um..."

Suzaku's eyes widened when figured what Lelouch meant.

"Of course I wouldn't leave you. I love you, forever, no matter what happened, no matter what happens."

Lelouch looked at Suzaku with wide eyes.

"R-Really?"

"Yes. I will be with you, forever."

* * *

**IX: And that was why Zero killed Clovis. Hehe...**  
**So, how was it? Do encourage me with reviews. It ends that way. Sorry if any of you expected Schneizel, because I have just thought of a story that contains a very brotherly Schneizel. Hehe... I think it'll be posted soon. Also, I'm quite a shipper of Schneizel/Lelouch. **  
**Anyway, my ten part self challenge can be found in my profile. Do check it out. It's a one-shot self challenge with a certain fixed theme. My next theme is Birthday... so it'll be full of fluff that's so sweet you'll have cavities. I'm already half way through the story. **

**Thanks for ready, anyway.**

**Rate and Review, so that I'll know who to love.**

**Criticism are very much welcomed, just don't flame. It's my first time after all.**

**Hmm... and to test who actually reads author notes, end your review with the word "_Baa_".**

**Yes, I know it's random, whatever. I'm just curious to know whether you guys actually read these.**

_**Signing out, LeAwesomeOne IX**_


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